It would seem the portal of change is opening once again before me - i came to the country i now live in immersed in yet another fantasy · yes, about a woman, why do you ask? My journey took 4 days and i landed about 1,000 km from the person of my interest and many more miles from anything that was recognizable to me. An oddly wise decision, for it has taken me more than a year to get my bearings, something i could manage in days or weeks at an earlier age but now seems to take much longer. I can’t say whether that is because my ship of state has greater draught or i just get dumber the farther i go. It has not been an idle time though i’m sure by some standards pouring over expired youtube television serials hardly counts as forward motion; i’ve learned much both about myself and the land where i have found myself, enough to know how little i know, but also how to learn more - by listening to myself. The question remains whether the time has come to sally forth to meet my fate with what is left of my wherewithal.
As much as i love the life i have created here it becomes increasingly clear i am not of this locale. Lao Tzu - “The excellence of a residence is in the suitability of the place.” I have lived in cloistered communities enough to know unless you resonate with the “vibe” there is no point in remaining. I have come close often, and have had to face the roll of my own unique peculiarities for whether or not it was an homogeneous fit. Where i live now is a hothouse full of exotic personalities formulating travel blogs of their exploits for recounting at dinner parties, a little too much like my time in Hollywood and lacking the camouflage i find i require to protect my anonymity. As a cross-eyed cyclops given to severe independence - the passive sublimation necessary for easy assimilation into this “close knit” melange of well-heeled travelers is more than i care to spend to join its society.
What i have discovered in my time here is how much my own conceit plays in such standoffs as this, for it is not the first time in my travels that i have managed to offend the status quo with little or no effort. I am aiming at the more entrenched HNWI of our planet, and this funny little community where i live is certainly flush with persons guided by that dubious intention - the irrational accumulation of vast wealth for seemingly no more reason than climbing the highest mountain in ever country you’ve been to, or visiting ever country on the planet for that matter. However sequestering wealth is a more insidious and dangerous ambition, for it by its nature saps the vitality of any economy that it targets. I knew when i found a drone photo of the castle being built by some unnamed expat, or whom i assume to be expat - that my days were numbered in this quaint echo of a terrain so familiar to me from an earlier time life in my life.
It may not be possible to escape anywhere any longer - the tendrils of corporate poison have grown stronger and their reach greater · i did laundry two days ago which corresponded with a cultural misalignment which one grows accustomed to living in foreign lands, so when i passed one sleepless or near sleepless night, i figured “anxiety,” though the rank odor of the endocrine disruptors so popular in today’s detergents could not be entirely mssked by their faux fragrance. So this morning when i could smell the vile odor of poison wafting from my sweating body, i realized that the mixture of cleaning solvents i’d added to my wash was permeated with these pernicious poisons, and so rinsed again the bedding i had tried to sleep on - lo and behold · a welcome respite came to this afternoon’s nap without which i’d never have gotten this far in today’s work. I share this for, just now stepping outside for my writing smoke because of the sleeping infant child in the bistro i am writing in, i found my shady spot comprised of 1 1/2” to 3” diameter electrical conduits and sort of shuddered, and sort of vibrated with the pulse my friends the farmers have not yet found important to protect themselves from - like the deadly cleaning agents my native land has exported for fun and profit.
So as long as where i travel to next which looks to be one more large city, simply based on the ease of dissolving into the fabric of humanity than in this hyper-celebrity conscious hipster doofus town i have enjoyed, and not, for the past 18 months of my existential journey. What will be interesting to learn is whether i will be allowed audience with the damsel i originally came to this land tracking. We have had near misses over the decade and a half we have flirted and winked at each other using social media as an excuse for some chemical mix that feels more real today than when i took flight to her native land - i was fleeing at that time, now i am being drawn. Or my fantasy deciphering the intrusive prompts FB now employs in its social engineering mission to dictate to us all what we want - fuck you zuké · i’ll go where i choose and sniff what i like without your help you little fascist wannabe twig. (and i mean that in the nicest possible way.)
jts 21/09/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
∞
No comments:
Post a Comment