It’s closing in on my older sister’s birthday - 11 september 1952 · i pity her and her birthday, but not so much that she could hear; she’s kind of deaf that way, and me with the ruptured eardrum.I’m not sure how i can face anything but a most abbreviated post. I learned yesterday that my life’s work is facing seizure from a “storage” concern because the bank i rely on sent accurate information for payment, but the concern rejected my payment telling the bank that the CVI number didn't line up. I didn’t sleep the same day my neighbors inexplicably ceased sending food through the magic window just as the food i’d bought for myself but had abandoned began growing rancid. I am sure in the world of today, i am not alone facing confusion about adaptation to changing roles.
I sluggishly shifted gears and contacted all i could to resolve the storage circumstance, but not having slept the night before required a nap so i could make best use of a borrowed phone to make the "bank" phone call. I understand the links that failed and why, but am at a loss to explain to all the parties involved how much i appreciate their kind consideration of my predicament. Not the least of which the dame in the same city whose storage space i may have to abandon and my more than confusing "out-of-thin-air" plea for assistance. Most of the people i matriculate with on fb are humans whom i have shared air with and have some semblance of human contact, yet at mid-morning i found myself both intrigued and beseeching a perfect stranger in the same breath.
The predicament i am trying to convey covers about 50 years of creative effort. The plan i'd conceived included fantasies that the work might constitute, in whole or part, my retirement fund. My elder sibling reigned over the theft or mismanagement of 80% of the last four years of my drawing efforts, and so with this SNAFU about a errant payment, i faced the loss of nearly 40 years of labor. She who entertained my concern will be long remembered for her gentle, though arms-length interest. I don’t know any other way to roll and had previously expressed my more carnal desire to know her more intimately that what fb could provide, but today, this morning she rose to the occasion with pointed questions of how large are they, what prices do you expect and stating simply i have been alone since _____
One has to appreciate the flexibility of a world where one as phoneless and friendless as myself could still manage resources enough to discuss account information with multiple business entities and enjoy some marginal emotional support from a perfect stranger, or numbers of strangers in the service of a “greater good”. Not that my life’s work constitutes that necessarily, but i am not a lying fuck looking to prey on the sympathies of people already distressed with their own realities; i have made myself vulnerable revealed my need to the generosity of people i don’t know such that they too can expand and yield kindness to one such as myself in dire straits.
To be honest i would like to bed this woman who has generously considered boarding my life’s work within her personal compound - but i made that desire expressly clear prior to this unexpected set of circumstances, so this event is not entirely mercenary on my part. I just like sensuous women with generous hearts because i think there is much for me to learn if i could only unplug my donkey ego and apply the loving heart g_d gave to me for reading this peculiar landscape of death we now call life; that and i like to watch shit grow that i don’t understand - like how woman after all she has suffered from the stupidity of man can tender a gentle caress to his cheek and make all things right with the world, while all it seems he can manage is to need her more - dear g_d show me how to serve · please
jts 04/09/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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