I have been watching reruns of series from u.S. television - 70’s to 80’s to 90’s · if you asked me why, i’d likely spew vomit explaining such stupidity; yet from an anthropological place it makes sense to try and understand from whence you came. But does it inoculate me from what comes next - will my having witnessed my surrender twice make my betrayal of truth any less venal¿ Let us together walk that road and find some truth - yes? At 65 years of age i am barely digging out from under shit poured on my soul by people i loved and trusted, so forgive me if i find your disinterest in what i share worthless.
I no longer understand what others need, yet i have a compulsion to give; this irrational behavior give others my quotient of beer because somehow i believe it helps them to feel “not ripped off” - i cannot protect you from what you feel, i can barely keep straight what goes on within me. I love and am betrayed, time and again - it is not the other’s fault but my own. My only responsibility to the world we live in is to continue my solitary effort to love and be loved.
It is lonely, and sad, but also rich with learning. I accept that what i feel is mine alone and not the result of any other spirit or prior payback. If i go after someone for revenge that is on me; i have long since given up the irrational belief that if i can cause pain in another, somehow my suffering will be lessened. What i have yet to arrive at is coincidence with love whereupon the joy i have felt and understand is available with each breath is also a birthright that is not removed from me for wrong behavior. I do not behave wrongly when i have a choice; sometimes i am repulsed by the ugliness i perceive in others - only to find that perception resides wholly within me.
If i find no friends in my life - it is not because i do not have friends, but because i insist on a version of reality that conforms with a spurious assumption · i am unlovable. There is no one on the planet that can remedy such a delusion but myself, and that is a hard pill to swallow. This also means that if there is love in my world, it is as the Beatles righteously declared “. .. in the end the love you take is equal to the love, you make.” What a privilege to live within such dynamic bookends of a civilization that still, as we speak remains viable and capable of distributing care and concern to a population of over 7 billion human beings torn and wounded by their own minds by the minds of a handful for other humans who deserve little more than patient compassion for a wound inflicted by greed and solidified by hatred.
The fact remains that there is nothing we cannot accomplish using what C.G. Jung described as “archetypal awareness” of our collective subconscious - and i hate to tell you this, this late in the game - but his reasoning makes a whole lot more sense than a lot of bullshit i hear, and read on a daily basis. From here on out in this, today’s daily purge, i am “phoning it in.” Sign off as though there is anything else to be gained by reading to the bitter end - but know this · if you take an incense stick and soak it in Peppermint oil and burn it in a house full of any size rat Mischief, they will turn tail and run just like telling a fascist to his face - you’re not only ugly, but you’re stupid · SOLIDARITY
jts 14/06/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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