What would a world that was based on love and generosity look like¿ I was raised to believe that was the world i was living in, but the same people teaching me this assertion were brutally dishonest and criminally self-involved - i love them all to this day · However i have found in the course of mending from these realizations - real or imagined, that distance is the safest course for them and myself. I learned well how to peer into the soul of another and identify those needy places, only because it seemed that is all i had to offer the world - a reservoir of need. Because of this skill and the ability to perceive others wielding such, i have found too many who value that capacity for no more than the advantage it affords them. I sort of understand delusions about control, mostly in the sense of resistance. I can accept other’s hunger for that illusion until it crosses over the line and becomes an issue of “will i, or won’t i”?
For me it is best to move away from that kind of energy - it is too taxing to demonstrate the delusion of such thinking and generally results in humiliation · never a useful emotion. I like like love, always have, and have no clue about keeping it around - except by exertion. Nearly anything i’ve ever done that was fun or constructive involved some act, or many small acts of love. What i have yet to learn is how to inculcate that intellectual conviction into my soul; or more accurately to displace the influence of self-serving personalities in my history without hating on them - hatred being he “goto” emotion of post WWII euro-centric thinking. I was too young to be a proper hippie, and only got the dope, and electric thrill of charged music which was making huge profits for a handful of cultural traitors. Now, having invested years of my existence in the myth of common ground, i have reached an age where death is a more companionable companion that many of the giddy youth i find occupying the tavern tables of my own young years.
This conceit, however does not absolve me from wanting to share precaution with strangers or other “travelers,” a McCarthy era dog whistle for communists. I like communists, some of my best friends have been communists; but as a worker i have yet to be well-served by any union representative - now that i am retired · i doubt the Unions will lift a hand to protect my social security, money i have paid and am owed. Not in the sense of entitlement, or privilege - just simple quid-pro-quo. I have been taken by thugs for money due me from a settlement for a ruptured eardrum when young. I was wrong to speculate, like all “lumpenproletariate” are, but not so wrong that what is mine - becomes yours. It waa a bitter lesson to learn at too young an age - but harder to know for certain · family is no guarantee of loyalty.
I am a man without a country - living in a land of solidarity with socialism, if you are of the correct racial composition, or are of an entrepreneurial ilk from the land i was raised in which at one time in recent history waged an unconscionable war of egregious violence, culturally, morally and materially - but now is being welcomed as an example of “proper” profit taking - as they say in BLM or Antifa, FTS - like WTF, but different. For me it used to be a race with time for that moment when my cultural patience would cross over the line and i would become “collectible.” Now thanks to good karma hygiene and emotional reticence, there is a good chance that i will recede into the fabric of mineral matter that i have staked so much of my life upon and become indecipherable from any of the other veins that make up this miraculous molten sheen of moisture we, who used to be known as “human beings” will ride into the long forgotten ages.
I read an account once that said it was not intellect that served our species best, but patience. In this study the author asserted that it was not the ability of our kind to corral greater amounts of protein to feed our growing greed, but the ability to out wait the prey. The author made a solid argument that the hunter of the gazelle enjoyed its flesh only after an exhaustive run whereupon the gazelle, though capable of fleeing time and again, was not able to anticipate the determination of the hungry hunter who simply ran again each time the gazelle stopped. It is this same place i believe we as a species find ourselves, though we are surrounded by plenty, but immersed in dearth. The profit takers are little more than gazelles running each time mankind approaches and declares it hunger - they can run for so long because they are fleet of foot and nimble with wealth, but ultimately unsuited for the game of survival - bon appetite mes amis · share wisely.
jts 18/06/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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