Tomorrow my rent comes due - my former agent was forced to take a more practical income stream · my visa expires 20 days or so later, i do not know whether i can buy a year’s extension, or even whether i should be here in VN or in Uruguay. The metrics say weather would be oppressive for where i live at this time - “oppressive” is a polite euphemism for the sweltering heat the population adjusts to on a minutely daily effort. It is now 3:3o pm and my vegetables are done simmering: my drink has drained too much moisture, and still i like whiskey + beer seems as close as i can get to the memory of flesh to flesh, or family as haven. Somehow as a i wilted into sleep, youtube miraculously presented each of the tracks from Bob Dylan’s latest release: “Rough and Rowdy Ways” - what could i do as i fought my way to sleep but to publish each track on the fb fake utility · I do not feel strong, but i have not surrendered, only stepped back a pace.
Bless you Bob Dylan - to be able to reign from such distance and such pain is an example of a focused mind · i would willing be one more if i could figure out how. I’m two paragraphs into into a 5 paragraph commitment that doesn’t always pace with what i wish to share or want to question, yet there is nothing beyond. Each night i wake and fight myself back to sleep only to remain fresh while i try to formulate useful thought which near as i can tell is read by no more than 3-6 other humans; don’t i feel kind of stupid and not. It is the impartation of anything useful that qualifies worthwhile sharing - do i give a fuck about what kind of penis you wish to worship, or am i consumed by whether in all this detritus of pandering and supplication there is one soul whose burden i can lessen and warm in the glow of welcome respite.
The farmer mother climbed up on the wall this morning to retrieve grapefruit off the branches while they remained succulent and easily digested. Didn’t i feel a little guilty handing down the fruit she cut and helping her lithe ankle find purchase on the cap to my waste bucket. Language is a huge barrier, and when combined with the wounds i process from a life in “family hell” it is important to me that i find a spirit that can forgive me my wild ways, but not extract a pound of flesh for sins that are my own to pay. I have drawings in me still, maybe even paintings; but they can only be accomplished with the help of one who wishes to be seen clearly and nakedly. I worked with Edward “Chic” Rogers long enough in aerospace engineering for him to be the “bestman” at two of my three weddings, his expression to me has always been, “I have one good fight left in me - you don’t want to see it.” I believe him still.
Yet this same man would state categorically his faith in “rapture, _rump, and redemption,” he’d have even taken me in to the bosom of his home rather than bid me farewell to the land of Viet Nam, where i now reside. I do not own a phone and do not enjoy the conceit of connection by being able to dial those i love and those who do not wish me to dial them - family; ex-lovers; ex-wives; ex-friends - etc., etc., etc. · But what the fuck to do with 7 billion other living, breathing, loving souls asking for no more than a chance to raise a family free from hate, fed nutritious healthy food and afforded and opportunity to learn all our fragile culture has accumulated that might be of worth - like the “Giaconda” or the “Pieta” or “The Great Gatsby.” Be mindful that the stakes we play for are not Daisey’s whims, but the survival of a species.
I watch patches of internet that supposedly propagate income for the greatest good, yet from my unfortunate perspective is simply more exploitation by a handful in the midst of what is both militaristic and economic, “a target rich environment”. As long as this perspective of superiority over minority is utilized as a metric for evaluating force - we are doomed as a species, yet the moment such unique monikers as “opportunity and yield” become descriptions of what we as a species with all of our might and our heart can accomplish, there is no success we cannot call our own. Fuck Fascism - lest there be any doubt in your minds as to what i advocate · ever . fuck off and die . .. $$$
jts 24/06/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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