I hated going to elementary school - my crossed eyes drew attention, and my gentle manner encouraged cruelty · Because of this childishness of mine and others, i chose to forge my mind into a cruel weapon that could peer into the souls of others and force them to spontaneously combust at any moment of my choosing - there was a lot of ash and debris in my younger years. At some magical moment, i began to see the pain of others and could no longer sustain the anger necessary to inflict “spontaneous combustion” at will; i think it was Patsy Donahue’s fault, because she wouldn’t stop smiling at me. I’m probably the only master villain in history to be turned into a chump by a little girl. Nor am i complaining, for my life has been richer and more meaningful, albeit more dangerous due to my lifelong study of the female’s smile.
60 years later, i have to admit - i am a rank amateur · but i wouldn’t trade the smiles i’ve tried to fathom for any scholar’s certain knowledge about what they mean. From what little i’ve learned, it may be our future is inextricably linked to the number of smiles men can create on the faces of women; but i’m just guessing. Here’s the logic behind my guess, and i don’t have a 60 year-old database with columns and check boxes to back up my claim, but i’d be willing to stake my social security check on this fact - good shit happens when women smile · Call me a wild-eyed romantic making things up to suit some nefarious plot to overthrow the fascists posing with their mitts on “The” joystick just now, and you’d be right; but it’s more than that - you know in your heart what i’m saying is true just by closing your eyes and picturing all the good shit that has happened to you · “there was a woman close by smiling”.
The obverse is true as well. If you’ve ever woken up to see the scowling face of some woman hovering over you - you can bet something shitty is about to take place · don’t believe me, look back over your own life experience and tell me i’m lying. It is this immutable law of human nature i believe is freaking out all the “tough guy” conservatives, they know the truth of what i’m saying, AND they probably couldn’t tell you the last time a woman smiled them: sneered, yes; snarled, certainly; gritted her teeth, no doubt; but smiled, not likely. I’d go so far to posit donny hasn’t seen a woman smile at him with love in her heart since his Mama peered into the crib and realized she had spawned the devil’s own son. Can you imagine what kind of a life poor, pathetic donny has lived¿ if he wasn’t such an asshole, i’d almost feel sorry for the putz.
Actually that is part of my current self-improvement plan. I figure if i can locate compassion in my heart for a putz like donny; it should make it a lot easier to be kind to the mooks i meet in my day-to-day suffering. Many are very fine human beings near as i can tell, but like the smile on the face of every woman i meet my pea brain quakes at the infinite possibilities behind that expression. I’ve tried questions like “how are you?”, but somehow the answer i see on her face doesn’t seem to match the answer i hear - but i’m kind of “deef” due to a childhood accident, and g_d in her infinite wisdom made me kind of blind, so i’m never quite sure if the distortion i’m experiencing is my own heart; her appearance; or some amalgamation of what i thought i heard. Paradoxically the “iffy” sort of reality i experience on a day-to-day basis corresponds to the mystery of meaning i’m only beginning to appreciate at age 65 - lucky me ·
Or, i’m just an excellent student harvesting the fruit of a lifelong study of the female smile, and from what i’ve learned so far, it’s pretty clear i won’t know until many years after i’m dead and gone. Nor do i feel too bad about that, ‘cause that reality is getting closer all the time. The challenge that remains to me is how many smiles i can create in as many woman as a find. Not in a greedy manic kind of way, ‘cause making a woman smile is as ethereal as chasing happiness - Odysseus found the “lotus eaters” as dangerous a lot as any in his travels and i’ve never found reason to disbelieve his wisdom. I think the Dalai Lama is more clued-in than most and when he says look to your own heart for the source of your suffering as well as the root of your happiness, from what little i’ve learned, he ain’t lying; not only is he not lying, he has staked his reputation for truth as the 14th in a chain of holy men going back a long ways. My prayer to you who read this is that you find in your heart what it takes to help a woman smile - from which i argue, the whole world will be made a little better · thank you for that .
jts 06/07/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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