I’m back writing at Circle Cafe, for D-Deli has gone further down the road; am out mostly to mix it up - took a spill on my bicycle this morning, i could have avoided. If i hadn’t motivated out the door the wound may have festered; one thing i’ve learned it is better to get up as soon as you’ve been knocked to the ground if for no other reason than to see if there is a better place to fall. I’m of an age when the epic falls of friends cannot be ignored, yet repercussions therefrom cannot be allowed to restrict, rather animate wind in the sails of whatever voyages that are left to you and your intrepid journeys, for if you are alive and moving anywhere in today’s world - there is little else that can describe your travels · i could hope for loving, but that might be construed as greedy . ..
Tomorrow i will file for an extension on my visa. I would like to live where i am to the end of my days but the curse of hyper-vigilance dictates that once the borders are opened again the curse of density will result in beaucoup tourist revenue to feed a pent-up hunger for profit in an old world destination with a taste of the luxury that a “boom or bust” economy can provide and indifferent to the consequences of the one dimensional economy that “tourism at all costs” has had on its people. The challenge of these writings is to render them transparent to location or culture and identify common ground for economic success for all people in all phases of the economic spectrum: the downside for HNWI of “anarchistic capitalism” & the upside of “enlightened self-interest”; the downside of “burn it down” & the upside of urban agriculture providing “food for all”; and the immutable law that violence within the species’ stock can no longer stand in any form - gender, racial, class or interpersonal.
We are in an existential lifeboat containing the last useful stories of our species, though we have never been asked how we’d like them to be curated. I have little patience with anyone who insist how i am to depict them and even less patience with anyone intent on telling my story outside my own agency - that may seem a contradiction of terms. Here is my thinking - i see others through great limitations of vision, emotional capacity and existential myopia and so make every effort to be clear that i am making statements from my limited perspective and assuming no more than a passing impression through the filter of my experience · i can only imagine it is as difficult for others to understand my story and so make every effort to be candid about what i feel at any given moment about events that i am experiencing while inviting as much input and revelation from others as they can muster.
I make no claims to reality outside of the limited perimeters of my perception - twisted as it is. But i do not back away from interpreting events, behaviors and assertions of others as they pertain to me. This language and prose has grown obnoxiously esoteric, which is why i make every effort to cleave to the personal - mine is the only story that i have any real sense for · all others is conjecture and fantasy. This is not to say that what i opine is without value or accuracy, only that the only truth i can speak to is my own. I took a fall today on my bicycle in a foreign nation at the age of 65 - the heat is relenting, and my domicile is in question; i live in the midst of a moderately hostile and ambivalent population that has made it quite clear my expenditures are more important to them than what i feel, and i understand - not to say i like it, but i accept that reality.
It is my responsibility to moderate, adjust or ignore. The other member of our accident today fled the scene making clear he didn’t give a fuck whether i had broken a bone, my bicycle or wounded the 3rd party. I have to accept that as a reality of where i live and prepare for future events based on that fact. Whether i allow the behavior of another to impair my ability to assimilate and make where i live home to the day i day is not his responsibility, but my own. The obverse is as equally true - if i let this event affect my ability to take a mate i believe is loving and caring is not his responsibility but my own. This reality runs contrary to my cultural upbringing which has dictated the anger and repugnance my family has made clear it feels about me is my responsibility for having been a failed human in their eyes, rather than choices they each have made, just as i have had to make choices of my own based on my best guess - it is a paradox · but i believe in my heart it is helping me to better understand my resistance
jts 07/07/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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