Independence day - Viet Nam · brutal as it ought to be; missed connections with many i’d hoped to see, and miraculous discoveries i never would have thought to find. 4:42 pm and counting, am normally under wraps by now, but barely 3 lines into my day’s responsibilities. To my credit: the laundry’s done; cousin M_____ acknowledged receipt of BD well wishes, floor is swept, like a “kiss and promise”, bicycle rear hub is replaced, language lesson successful; new fb friend’s, but like real life - ya’ never know who they are. Independence day - 2020 · and we are no closer to liberation than we were the day Jesus was born, s’plain that to me; please.
It is 5 pm an i am on my 2nd paragraph, tired like any 65 year old might after wandering around in 100 degree heat for hours while waiting for his conveyance. Walking becomes increasingly difficult which poses interesting challenges. I ran the L.A. Marathon in 2006, 6 months after an appendectomy, dissolution of my 3rd marriage. I was 52 and remember vividly trailing toward the finish line an impossible distance behind a couple of plucky prepubescent heroes and thinking to myself - oh fuck · That feeling doesn’t compare to realizing my capacity for self-sufficiency is intimately tied to a bicycle and the rain cycles of a tropical nation i know for no more than a year, yeah fucking Independence - let’s all celebrate our freedom.
Nor am i complaining however much it may sound that way. There is someone i barely know who has staked his entire existence on a move of unknown value to find the “rain gods” chose his moving day to rain strong and hard at the end of what can only be described as long - even in my perverse lexicon of meaning. I love the rain and welcome it each time i find myself inside and able to enjoy its pitter-patter from some manner of shelter. Even just writing this now, i realize how much of the world’s population cannot take such a whimsical relationship with torrents of water pouring into whatever is their shelter at the time. What is so astonishing to me is how utterly unnecessary that is in a world capable of creating monster viruses able to eliminate with precision whole segments of the population, while employing nanotechnology to surveil other segments of the same population.
All of this is needlessly taking place while infants languish into starvation for nothing more than the cost of a cup of coffee - that my friends is not INDEPENDENCE · and sadly not even remotely close to Master Thay’s gentle admonition toward “INTERBEING,” side note: so advanced an expression that the dead apple master’s platform kicks it out as a non-word in its ruling class weighted business language. There is so much guidance by Yahoos glorifying their geekworld with its bells and whistle, but with no more soul than the bumper of a ’76 Barracuda; that i’m often able to cry myself to sleep without anyone noticing, is the saddest part of this whole passage for me. How close we are to complete success as a species - there is love around every corner i peer, save the rats in my attic - they just want to be dry and safe · then again i’m pretty sure on one thing in my life, i do not understand rats; they just don’t like peppermint, it’s not rocket science.
When i began this essay, i could not conceive getting this far and yet here we sit. I have good solid food chilling in the freezer waiting for me to forage. To be honest, i would rather forage hand in hand with some gentle dame who after we’d satisfied our hunger on nuts and berries looked into my eyes and asked gently - “can you still see enough of me to draw me naked?” · when one gets older, it is important to as one said once “know your limitations.” Yes I think i can manage more drawings, though not as close to the quality of the work that was stolen from me under the guise of “bad todd”, an imprecation i hope no one here reading ever understands, but if you must - i hope it results in a continued determination to draw or create, or express what you must without regard to others or to value about your efforts. Struggle to “pour beauty into the world” as one consort to Master Leonard Cohen once advised me while politely putting me in my place for the arrogant snot that i was/am, and hope to remain until i learn better.
jts 04/07/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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