Extinction Chronicles - 170620 ·

I once sat on a couch in Santa Ana, CA with a loaded rifle in my mouth, my toe on the trigger, and a quart of “Mickey’s Big Mouth” balanced in the corner; i’ve also been addicted to endorphins running barefoot @ low tide between the piers in Santa Monica listening to an iPod i won’t tell you how much i spent keeping fed with iTunes - apple inc. boosted close to a $1,500 in music i bought and paid for but can’t play because of a change in email address that doesn’t “compute.” I do not share these highly personal experiences to be your buddy, because we are not buddies and you’d have contacted me if you wished to explore common ground. The most important reason i have to write to you each day is to share any ideas that might help you or yours to survive our impending extinction; i could give a fuck if you see it coming or are in the “waiting room for rapture.”

I am asymmetric, but spent the better part of my young existence attempting to resolve the differences between my right and left sides. I have an older brother, i’ve spoken of too often who could spend hours staring in the mirror - yet when i looked, all i could see is _____ fill in the blank - it was not favorable · i thought it was his fault, because what i saw so matched the language he used with me, but differed with the confusion with which  i wept myself to sleep, and he’s not a bad guy. In fact he was a hero who taught me to not trust heroes, how much more heroic can you get? (for those just tuning in - that is a what is known as a “left-handed” compliment - sincere · without sincerity.

“Snarky” is the attribute media used to describe each of us destroying the other without ever actually owning the act. So here we sit within an inch of our lives, frightened by intimacy, intimidated by power, grieving loss we were never allowed to own. All for the name of “profit,” as though if you could accrue enough LIKES, CASH, or FRIENDS; like some scene out of Vegas the lights will pop up or the ghost of Groucho’s toy duck might plop down in front of your current hurrah and declare vindication for all your suffering - bullshit · you stupid motherfuckers. That was a joke engineered by a freeman to keep you humble about the hijacking of your world by a group of thugs that sat in the wings with goodies that had no bearing and never meant anything to you but surprise.

I could be wrong, but you’ll have to stand in line with the rest of the “cultural anthropologists” waiting to declare my thinking heretical. (a clue for the hungry, line up behind my family, they have the “inside dope”). Secrets are what i really wanted to talk about in this and most essays, but it took me all this time to approach such an explosive concept. In a universe so vast we have yet to fathom its dimensions, it is pure conceit that there is anything in our personal lives worthy of interest. What i find for myself is the illusion there is someone, somewhere laughing at something i think only i know about myself - that my friends, is funny.

But when you amplify that by all the sordid secrets we firmly believe ourselves capable of keeping, or keeping others from - the notion of hiding becomes ludicrous. If you sit in front of any table on the planet long enough · all you wish to be revealed to you will be. Don’t believe - develop adequate patience to discover the fact for yourself, then call me a liar. I only wish to speak with the authority on love, for i know there is at least one person who has parsed the subject better than myself, and who may be willing to share those discoveries that may help me be better to the woman, or women i have yet to love. I know that so far, i have not been successful; that each time i have tried to take love - she has shown me it is only something one can give, but only when one is open enough to receive. This is a confusing conundrum for me - only because that love i hold in reserve is the same love that she requires to free me · 

and you doubt for a second that g_d is a feminine spirit - jajaja ·  

jts 17/06/2020

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Extinction Chronicles - 160620 ·

Like a cave painter in Lascaux trying to fathom which imagery is going to add to the flesh from a hunt - i ponder what and how i can find anything useful to you in this time of trouble · Some of you are so absorbed in your misery, that waking up from a blow to the side of your head would be little different to you than your normal, “rest,” or so i imagine. I was raised to believe in “all things possible” about the same time jfk was murdered in cold blood, in plain sight - successfully · The flip side of that equation is what the ruling class must parse in the next few years to evade vile consequence for vile behavior. I don’t know what the answer is, but i’m fairly confident that i am more ready to stare death in its eye, than many of my “kindred spirits.” There is residual - neenure, neenure, neenure, in such an arrogant assertion - but take a look around you people · an entire species has been sold down the river for a few wanks on the ole’ pecker; go ahead - tell me again what’s stupid .  ..

I can only measure my efficiency by comprehension - face to face · as “dual-orb·cyclops”, i’ve found damn few capable of looking me in the eye and pull a con at the same time · and yes, that is a very lonely place to be. Last night - late i considered a patch over one way a way to reconcile myself to an irreconcilable world. I do not own a phone, though i am registered in the “DB” as super user - this anomaly alone rises my profile to the surface of “algorithm” anomalies.” It does not mean that the reviewing agency a-la “Blade Runner” has any better understanding about my communication on “my” channel, only that those who can parse how easily we are divided and sifted also know how savvy “we” are to to the digital betrayal of those with resources, are to those without. 

Try and excavate your gray matter from the pool of fictional worth, back into the planet of love and value - please · you claim penetrating awareness about the value of “tallying” and for all who read and are honest with themselves - “tallying” is really lame, when you consider those who do the counting, vs those who do the “paying.” Everybody would like to win, except that what it is to “win” has taken on such suspect notions as “like it or leave it,” or “the fuck are you looking at¿ her gun is much bigger than yours”. Who’s kidding who - no i am not as sober as you, i do not have as consecutive family history as yours, and yes, of course you know many more ‘important peole than i’.

But still, i gotta ask you, “how is it just because you command greater attention, more resource and greater cultural loyalty, does your pitch have more validity than my own questionable and unworthy efforts toward ‘ecological, gender, political and cultural solidarity¿, that is a question? I got little left to lose, some flesh, a little soul and a whole lot of misery i’m willing to own, whence i find ‘face’ enough to step up and say ______ fill in the blank, and there a lot of “spitting, askance glances and chickenshit unsupported and why and wherefore points that might render better benefit for the all, rather than the curious overthrow of nothing - .  .. ··· but the horse you rode in on . 

jts 16/06/2020

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Extinction Chronicles - 150620 ·

“Make it simple, but not simpler.” - Albert Einstein. I feel good for doing something, like riding my bicycle each morning along the same route, not really exploring but seeing more and more each day. Perhaps it is like that with families, i don’t know because the “terms of endearment” for my own family required a fealty, i feel is insulting to my soul. I accept full responsibility for my decision and so live a life outside the bosom of belonging - it is so painful that just now i will interrupt this work to post Hank Williams’ “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” on the nazi utility - fb (i treat it more like a note in bottle, than any actual communications channel)· Hank was born on my birthday, and i was born on his birthday the year he died. My oldest brother once found a catsup bottle sealed with wax and a note inside petitioning a rescue by any Chinese Prince who found the bottle which washed up on the shores of Honeyman State Park, OR - 1960·something· after having been launched from a bridge over the Columbia River by a 13 year old, or so girl and her younger brother 70 or some years earlier.

As luck would have it, our family was camped next to another family who lived near the town with the bridge from which this catsup bottle was tossed into the Columbia River - when they returned they did some researched and discovered the 80 year old, or so woman who recalled the event, and who was astonished to find, rather than some Chinese Prince coming to her rescue, it was a post pubescent teenager from Orange County California with a sharp eye in the driftwood piles left from a tidal wave some years earlier who had discovered her “message in a bottle.” I could give a fuck if you believe this, for it is shared for no other reason than to confirm the “synchronicity” of a world we are about to be chased out from by a handful of amoral sociopaths with nothing more than profit on their minds to show for it - that my friends is sad beyond all meaning and definitions one might find in a world with very little but sad to explain its short presence in paradise. 

So sad that the same brother in this story won’t address me to my face for the pain he cleaves to in his heart from an open-hearted discourse in the presence of our sire, which i understood to be for no other reason than a “clear the air, encounter” but for which he apparently found nothing useful in my gut-wrenching disclosure of the pain i felt from having been his next younger brother · nor is this discussion meant to be a come on con for us to be friends. I am hearing the farmer father next door working with his son to teach him how to build a bamboo door, and my heart is full. Not because the better part of my day was with the feeling of tears welling up behind my eyeballs with no place to go, but because my friend the farmer and his son have a chance at reconfiguring a world gone haywire and for all the loneliness i might be feeling - the reality is i sit very close to the very best our world has to offer.

We all do - that is what i learned from my father when i would whine to him about my misery · “everyone is feeling a similar suffering” he would say to me, and in the next breath he would point to a glass of water and ask the confused waitress to put her finger in the glass for him. When she’d ask “why” his reply was - “because it is not ‘sweet enough’.” We are each other’s keepers and i do not know how to convey to my own brother - “i am not damaged from your cruelty, i am damaged from my own cruelty - please be kind to yourself.” Time is short, and i find it a challenge to ride my bicycle, time and again over the same route, as though i might develop more patience or see greater meaning in my journey. I’m beginning to suspect, just as pop had pointed out “everyone is suffering” that everyone is searching for meaning that is right in front of them.

As my friends the farmers close up their life door, and the son has an experience to reflect on the rest of his life, i can hope for all who read these feeble phrases - there is meaning all around you, and our world is rich with purpose. It is not going to be found in the tiny screens beseeching you for your hard-earned attention, but in each moment you can find to share with your parent or your progeny. Each of us has a right to be at peace, and if you cannot make peace for another - the very least you can do is to work tirelessly at not depriving peace from another, be that someone who has deliberately and maliciously maligned or harmed you to the very core of your being, or to own the damage done to you by those you have relied on for support only to find an empty embrace or vacant place in your own heart you must take possession of or relinquish agency. 

jts 15/06/2020

http://stoanartst.blogspot.com 

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Extinction Chronicles - 140620 ·

I have been watching reruns of series from u.S. television - 70’s to 80’s to 90’s · if you asked me why, i’d likely spew vomit explaining such stupidity; yet from an anthropological place it makes sense to try and understand from whence you came. But does it inoculate me from what comes next - will my having witnessed my surrender twice make my betrayal of truth any less venal¿ Let us together walk that road and find some truth - yes? At 65 years of age i am barely digging out from under shit poured on my soul by people i loved and trusted, so forgive me if i find your disinterest in what i share worthless.

I no longer understand what others need, yet i have a compulsion to give; this irrational behavior give others my quotient of beer because somehow i believe it helps them to feel “not ripped off” - i cannot protect you from what you feel, i can barely keep straight what goes on within me. I love and am betrayed, time and again - it is not the other’s fault but my own. My only responsibility to the world we live in is to continue my solitary effort to love and be loved.

It is lonely, and sad, but also rich with learning. I accept that what i feel is mine alone and not the result of any other spirit or prior payback. If i go after someone for revenge that is on me; i have long since given up the irrational belief that if i can cause pain in another, somehow my suffering will be lessened. What i have yet to arrive at is coincidence with love whereupon the joy i have felt and understand is available with each breath is also a birthright that is not removed from me for wrong behavior. I do not behave wrongly when i have a choice; sometimes i am repulsed by the ugliness i perceive in others - only to find that perception resides wholly within me.

If i find no friends in my life - it is not because i do not have friends, but because i insist on a version of reality that conforms with a spurious assumption · i am unlovable. There is no one on the planet that can remedy such a delusion but myself, and that is a hard pill to swallow. This also means that if there is love in my world, it is as the Beatles righteously declared “.  .. in the end the love you take is equal to the love, you make.” What a privilege to live within such dynamic bookends of a civilization that still, as we speak remains viable and capable of distributing care and concern to a population of over 7 billion human beings torn and wounded by their own minds by the minds of a handful for other humans who deserve little more than patient compassion for a wound inflicted by greed and solidified by hatred. 

The fact remains that there is nothing we cannot accomplish using what C.G. Jung described as “archetypal awareness” of our collective subconscious - and i hate to tell you this, this late in the game - but his reasoning makes a whole lot more sense than a lot of bullshit i hear, and read on a daily basis. From here on out in this, today’s daily purge, i am “phoning it in.” Sign off as though there is anything else to be gained by reading to the bitter end - but know this · if you take an incense stick and soak it in Peppermint oil and burn it in a house full of any size rat Mischief, they will turn tail and run just like telling a fascist to his face - you’re not only ugly, but you’re stupid · SOLIDARITY  

jts 14/06/2020

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Extinction Chronicles - 130620 ·

“To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to that common one; let us deprive death of its strangeness, let us frequent it, let us get used to it; let us have nothing more often in mind than death... We do not know where death awaits us: so let us wait for it everywhere." 

"To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.”

― Michel de Montaigne

The talking heads are bandying about with figures of 120,000-140,000 Americans dead by the 4th of July - today, there are 116,000 · according to the NY Times. There are still medical personnel wearing trash bags for scrubs while police in the latest military assault uniforms have arrested 10,000 people protesting the murder of George Floyd and continuing assault by police against citizens exercising their constitutional right to redress their grievances. The 2nd wave of virus death has not begun, but the 3rd wave of climate havoc is only a faint swell still far out at sea - how are you doing ?

If you feel the need to give jeffery bezos one more thin dime to bolster your flagging self-esteem with another vanity purchase, i propose instead that you send me a nickel of that dime and i will personally send you an authored paragraph affirming my respect for you as an valiant resistor of consumer fraud and my solidarity with you on the front lines of change. Each and every nickel you send to me will go to buying food for hungry children. Laugh if you must, but you also know that what i say is true and it beats the shit out of buying gilded toilet paper for one of jeffery’s palaces - you’d be 5¢ richer, instead 10¢ poorer, you do the math. This is not rocket science - $50 billion in stimulus money, aka your tax dollar went to schnooks lacking the testicles to step up and their ill-gotten gains out of the public trough - what kind of chickenshit tough guy are you to let a “suit” rob you without a raising a finger in your defense - i don’t give a fuck how deep in the heart of Texas you life · you a punk in the neighborhoods i’ve spit on grufyti in.

It is love that will preserve us, and if you look to your left or to your right - you will find yourself sitting next to somebody who cares more deeply about your world than any avatar you hope to find scrolling on this contraption. Don’t believe me, i’ve been trolling for love in the digital universe since before 976 party lines and have yet to find one sincere exchange more meaningful than the “fuck you” in the eyes of the clerk i paid good money to for a wilted cheeseburger or broken bean burrito. The flip side of the coin is that each of you who are reading this chronicle has a personal story about having had a bad day reversed by one simple - “i feel you” · or “thanks for your kind comment.” It is this power of horizontal distribution that the corporate digital overlords have attempted to hijack for personal gain - rather than propagate as a greater good · ladies and gentleman, that manifestation of greed is rather than pathetic - an abomination worthy of outrage, censure and stringent closure like an gaping wound in your body you understand must be staunched and then healed.

Again, it is not rocket science. Due to my goofy eyesight i’d be willing to bet i have enjoyed more personal injuries than odds dictate. From that unique roll of dice, i possess a formidable understanding about capacity for healing which few of you reading this could begin to imagine - even the homies with multiple gunshot & knife wounds would be hard-pressed to match misery with misery · lucky me. I built a surfboard in the garage of the house i grew up in; after waiting patiently for the fiberglass to cure i used a double boiler to melt the paraffin to pour over the virgin surface - the aged saucepan didn’t make it to the surface of the virgin board and instead poured over my bare foot, possibly the same foot which the 5th metatarsal was to be broken a few short years later on the same right side i was to pour an industrial vat of spaghetti sauce over my forearm which was to own a broken 5th metacarpal a few short years after - it is not “accident prone” it is luck of the draw. Just like you born at the moment an entire species became aware of its fragile mortality.

I refuse to accept that all the spirits and misbegotten lives i have intersected with in my short trajectory on the “3rd Rock from the Sun” has been for naught; sitting just now on my porch nursing the last of my “medicine”, i believe it is possible to make another stand regardless of the of simpletons arrayed in front of me. I have been carving stone for the better part of my life, enough to have more than years of labor stolen for no other reason than gratuitous greed. I am inured somewhat to the cruelty of our times and remain faithful to the origin of our species - cooperation. We did not crawl out from under animal blood lust without a healthy measure of mutual organization - the sort of organization that is not found in the back channels of sordid transactions between amoral corporate cowards and other amoral corporate cowards. I am addressing the sort of initial cooperation between stalwart humans capable and willing to outrun an animal buck for the protein it could afford a small tribe of like minded hominids. I could give a fuck, if you are Neanderthal or pure bred Australopithecus, as long as you are gentle with children and kind to old people.    

jts 13/06/2020

http://stoanartst.blogspot.com 

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Extinction Chronicles - 120620 ·

The thing about getting old is there is nothing you can can learn about how to do it - it is literally make it up as you go along. I remember the pains i took as a young man to design an existence which would result in _______fill in the blank. The blank changed from decade to decade and from wife to wife, but my training never really allowed that there was nothing but awareness to buoy me up in this, as Tom Waits sings so well, “Sea of Love”. So now as i grow close to the big portal, while portals all around me are closing - there is the portal of death from which no one can deprive me access - that is a remarkably liberating notion in a world up to its eyeballs in fake secrets. If you don’t feed someone, they die, if you don’t touch someone, they wither, if you don’t listen to someone, you never learn - that’s me with my deaf one ear advocating listening · there’s a hoot for ya’.

Sadness is one part biological - hangover, breakup, fatigue · and too parts surrender. I agree with MLK about refusing to allow a man to drag me so low as to hate him, but there is also “illegitimus nonstoppus carbarundom” - don’t let the bastards grind you down · Pop was a high school cheerleader and incorrigibly cheerful, you’d need to have known his grandmother Alice Content Foster to understand. Ma in her faux sophistication liked to demean Pop for his “cuteness.” I love because she is my dame, but that yoke of birth has not blinded me to her gratuitous cruelty from unexamined fears she foisted onto any available surrogate - which all too often meant, me. My siblings were no help, for i am sure that occurred to them - “better ye than me.”· I was angry for too much of my life about this convenient arrangement, until i began to understand my own anger and how utterly useless it had become. Nothing will change anyone else based on rage - that is a fact, and i would be happy to argue the point if you have no objections about leaving such an argument - naked and trembling · the same way you came in.

I was raised with all the progressive tropes of the time, but it mostly consisted of contempt for the other position. I can understand the fear of conservative men about being emasculated by strong women, because it is not a fantasy and brute force is no reply. She, whoever she is must answer for her own cowardice at the crucial moment she crushed his ego with her love - to use such a powerful emotion for destruction is nothing but cowardice. I compensated, and continue to compensate for the intellectual inequity, the same as i advocate for liberation from all exploitation, be it white on black, black on white, elder on younger or younger on elder. Force is tired and describes a spirit lacking imagination and faith. We are, and have been a lazy lot enjoying a scant 200 years of industrial muscle - muscle we have tragically mismanaged as we have our rich and wondrous sentiment.

I am in favor of a drastic reduction of the population, for no other reason than as Ricky Rivera said “it’s gonna happen.” What do we do with a rotted festering core of a former ecological paradise full of indigenous wisdom and vast compassion for the delicacy of all the life our world support¿ that is a question? Reform is a word i am terribly uncomfortable with only because there have been so many close to me clamoring for mine. I would, but like Leonard said “when they said repent, i wondered what the meant.” I don’t want to change you as much as i would celebrate your own embrace of a radical re-evaluation of all you cherish. I remember as a prepubescent teenager listening to the “Association” sing “Cherish” on the 45 long play turntable and the sacred feeling of love that song elicited in my heart; the same turntable that she who a few short years later would bring the hammer down on my heart with the good-bye xmas gift of Stephen Stills singing “Love the one you’re with.”

How can we as a collective organism commiserate with the misery of a dumb as a post constituency with the pitchforks and wrinkled heart muscle to find enough common ground to defend all of ourselves from an amoral corporate demographic camouflaged as a “person” and using funny money as not-so-funny speech, holding the collective economic might of 7 billion humans hostage in Cayman Island accounts using nothing more than a “flick of the wrist”¿ that again, is a question? Computer modeling allows what had been the sage advice of consorts and charlatans holding the ear of monarchs - now they are simply bought and paid for geeks, having digital sight, but lacking what Helen Keller described as “vision.” I have been through enough gangland logic to know, there is no loyalty within the cohort of the uber-greedy; watch carefully, clearly enough and long enough - the rat bastards will demonstrate their betrayal - whether we as a species have backbone enough to quarantine such contamination from the commonweal is the only real question left to us as a population of free people - and no i do not consider “corporations as people” or “money as speech” · come and get get me, if you possess the gumption and courage you think your incognito status has provided you despite the face of fact that you are few and we are many.

jts 12/06/2020

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Extinction Chronicles - 110620 ·

How to transform these chronicles from extinction to “existence chronicles”? Perhaps i just have - were it that simple · Yet, everywhere people are doing their level best with what they have to work with. The capitalists are not going to simply abandon the castle, and layoff the killers they employ to maintain order. A lot of really smart people  recommend to ignore the existing system altogether and let it collapse from its own exhaustion; rather it is suggested to focus on what manner of distribution of labor best serves the greatest number clients and to develop from that premise. Helen Keller had said “the only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” I am convinced that the extravagance we have been trained to ape from the ruling class’s concept of the “good life” which while lavish is ultimately self-defeating. I won’t say i’ve ever known what it is to not have to work, but i have been close enough to the uber-rich to evaluate the effect such an existence has on the individuals who advocate conspicuous consumption. 

Predatory is not the word i would use to describe the character of someone who believes they are worth, not just a free ride - but “The” free ride. I’d say delusional is a more accurate description of anyone who believes in their heart that it is better to take, than to give; If not delusional, it is certainly a very limited concept of existence. Such an orientation about the miracle of life is the basis for the original “might makes right” argument which has left its bloody trail throughout human history - and not. Dominance is not the spark between man and woman which creates loving families, rather force is the breech of faith where one member of a couple exploits the other for selfish reasons - with misery and suffering its offspring. Friendship - the fraternity or sorority of our kind · where strength is shared and multiplied, while tragedy is also shared and diminished will not last ages when it is not a reciprocal relationship - no one will suffer the exploitation of one’s heart for any significant period of time. Don’t believe me, look back across the bridges you have burned and argue with them.

Conversely those who have helped you to grow through loving care are never forgotten, by years or distance - living or dead, and the joy of having lessened one burden from one friend one time can never be erased, even if the friendship has fallen by the wayside; that is a powerful dynamic. It took me many years to let go of the belief, that i was needed - the only person on the planet that needs me is myself · if i am as thoughtful toward others as i have trained myself to believe and to behave, than anyone i know has but to say “i need this,” and i will respond; maybe not in the material sense of reversing circumstances i have no control over, but in the solidarity of a willingness to work through any problem that person faces. It is not a selfish inclination that prevents me from assuming more responsibility than is mine, but love. I’d be lying through my teeth to say i have not at one time or another wanted the “high life” - that chimera of abundance one has only to peek into the ubiquitous screen from which to find examples. I have tamed my wants to a pillow to rest, and a slumber i can wake from long enough to serve anyone in need - again, as D.E. Tuppins of Detroit said so well before he died, “after me, you come first.”

But that is not all, Mr. Tuppins though he was 6 decades older than any other dancer in the makeshift workshops organized for him, imparted vaudevillian tap-dance routines to an entirely new cohort, related by nothing more than a common desire to preserve a cultural art form - that is not selfishness · that is generosity from the heart. What if the sham culture scrolling across our screens proclaiming “fame” around the next corner was attenuated to “learn what your heart loves to do, and do it.” Why is that anymore absurd a concept than “defund the pohleece” or “Refuse War” translated into lennonspeak as “War is Over¿” We are nothing more than barely animated wiggling organisms floating on a molten core of super-heated iron in orbit around a spontaneously combusted hydrogen fission mass emitting wavelengths that allow for the “carbon chain” that feeds our energy cycles to accomplish - things.

Those things you choose to accomplish are entirely within your jurisdiction. There will be no punishment for mssr. d_rumpf anymore severe than any of our own metabolic burn minus consciousness, and i choose not to wish any greater burden on those molecules of his which have been forced by time and circumstance to share close proximity with the “unexamined life” he has chosen for himself; to quote the late gr8, A. Nonymous - “not my circus, not my monkeys.” But is you want a simple explanation of how close we are to peaceful coexistence - for the past 9 months i have been plagued by “mischief” of rats - bold enough to gnaw at the wall to my bedroom and leave droppings on the porch to declare territory, little differently than jeffery bezos when he peeps into my digital traffic to exploit some impulse i may not be conscious of but may be of value to his seemingly limitless “bottom line” - rats do not like the scent of Peppermint · so much so, that with strategic use of essential peppermint oil a habitation for this particular “mischief” of rats; vacated. I guarantee humanity jeffery is no different and with the proper application of the appropriate essential oil, that same rat bastard will pull up his tent stakes and seek more propitious markets for his particular brand of “human generosity” - don’t believe me; try it yourself · lord knows there’re enough rats out there on which to experiment; go ahead ask her, she don’t lie.  

jts 11/06/2020

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