It all seems such a mystery; this morning i was communicating with a boyhood chum, think 1965, describing the photo he was looking at which i conceive of as recent but was in fact taken 15 years ago. It is “shelter in place” once again where i am, and without a phone to chat with people - real time takes on a completely different complexion. I am not bemoaning the missing conversations, for they can be as much of a distraction as the youtube fare i’ve convinced myself that i am “studying” as social anthropology in the same way that i have convinced myself that these chronicles constitute “end days” literature. Who’s to say¿ I translated an article which in effect advocated treating the Covid-19 like any other number of viruses that have plagued our species. I’ve never had a flu shot, while pop got them religiously each year. I do not get sick often, and would rather weather the suffering in hopes of building a stronger immune system.
The last time i visited a doctor for an illness, the sore throat was such that i could not swallow. I relented and allowed an antibiotic to be injected into my body. At the time i lived in a high desert mountain valley which i suspect was as inbred as it was reactionary; i’ve used antibiotics maybe a dozen times in 30 years. What was explained to me by an MD, was that each time you use an antibiotic you “lower the threshold” of diseases you are able to combat using your own immune system. I credit this good advice for much - this coming from a human being who contracted pneumonia in his 1st year of existence and would not have reached his 2nd year without penicillin.
I do not know; i do know i am my own worst enemy - and also the only true friend i have. My experience dictates that manmade solutions are often inferior to the wisdom of the planet herself. Water for example was strongly recommended in the article i had translated and that most people die from dehydration and not properly reducing the fever that is a bell weather for this virus, just as depression, anger and fear have been demonstrated to reduce the inherent strength of our immunes system, but the race to be rescued by a vaccine trumps all practical measures. The one sector of the crashing economy that is making out like bandits are - you guessed it · the capitalists. Just like Greta Thunberg has been muted from the “news stream” so too has our own native wisdom been undermined. They say processed foods are very dangerous to good health, but even in the Southeast Asian nation where i reside renowned for its healthy cuisine - fear has supplanted native instinct and people are resorting to instant noodles - laced with MSG, the phenol TBHQ, dangerous levels of sodium lacking fiber or protein.
And i am a hypocrite swallowing two bowls of Potato Salad and continuing my own self-destructive smoking and drinking all the while claiming some moral high ground that no longer exists if it doesn’t exist in your own heart toward your own existence. Lao Tzu says to show compassion to yourself and the whole world will reconcile itself to you. I struggle to get to that place, and this act of writing is the refuge i have sought once drawing no longer met my exacting standards of beauty. Nor do i wish to expound on the defects of the world around me for i am certain of only one thing - i cannot know what another suffers, or as Leonard Cohen once sang, “I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch.” If you hear me declaring any right action - know i am speaking to myself · far more than suggesting i know what is best for you.
Pema Chodron, bless her heart, says when you resist, or feel the sting of hatred, what you are more likely experiencing is fear; that if you can embrace and dwell with that fear you will find behind it the “soft spot” we all know exists. I have spent 65 years of my life armoring myself against a world i found to be hurtful and mean sprited. There is no protection, the only safety is to reach as close as possible into that vulnerable soft place in your your heart where love exists. I remember it more daily, but still find the ego rises to the occasion as often - declaring danger. We are dying as a species, and nothing is going to change the fact that there is no one to take your place or relive you of your suffering. The best one can hope for is to reach as deeply as possible into your own suffering so as to separate your pain from another and by doing so, you can then own the love it took to get that far.
jts 02/08/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com
reprinted with permission - all rights reserved
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