I am sitting back at Dingo Deli and feel comfortable and encouraged. 4 weeks of intense inactivity have taken their toll on my wellbeing - wellbeing is not my long suit. However age and circumstance have made clear that without learning something more about that state of being, my dotage will be a short one. Moments ago the proprietor arrived with supplies, and in our short exchange i commented on how i will miss this location when he moves to a grander arrangement; his comment was “yeah, well change is good.” My historical resistance to the truth of his observation probably drove me to carve stone many years ago; at the time i was a snot-faced lad in the bowels of NYC - a veritable cauldron of change. I felt terribly alone and certainly afraid that my family would forget me, now that they no longer had to ignore me. I could not look at it quite so clearly then which i’m sure had something to do with the appeal of a material such as stone with its ageless promise - perfect to memorialize my grandiose vision of art that could not be ignored - little did i know · then or now.
But like the song says, “i wish i didn’t know now, what i didn’t know then.” For example, a rule of thumb for occupations is to pick what you’re good at; and while i enjoyed some initial success, there was always a wrinkle in quality between my 2D drawings and paintings, and any 3D work. It wasn’t until nearly 40 years later that it dawned on me that as a virtual 2-eyed cyclops, i cannot see 3 dimensional form. Snicker if you must, i do, am. It was not as though there are people you can consult about such suspicions, nor was there any outward indication except for the disquiet about the wrinkle i’ve just described. In the course of the inevitable occupational rehabilitation artists in the audience might appreciate, the state of California tested and ranked me in the upper 99% for spatial recognition - what could go wrong? As it happens, a lot. The abundance that characterized our mid 20th century ‘merica, was to gradually erode to the degree we find ourselves today where commonly held assets such as National Parks and the U.S.Postal service are being liquidated to the highest bidder.
Not an auspicious time for being recognized as a cultural treasure much less being stuck paying the freight on a 1/2 ton of unsold stone carvings of wrinkled rather than ageless value, gathering dust in a storage unit in the backwaters of a Halliburton stronghold in Bakersfield, CA. The challenge of writing a chronicle focused on Extinction is considerable, for i tend to remain in a solitary state, but am fascinated by the human condition and constantly seek ways that i might put words to practical use. Just now, overhearing a lone traveler searching for accommodation, i engaged lone woman calling about a lodging - in the span of no more than 15 minutes i discovered she is Scandinavian on a voyage of exploration, now stranded for the time being. My interest was objective - 1) to discover whether she was in danger - she is not 2) to determine if there was anyway that i could help - no 3) i’m not gonna get laid. In the process i lost the privacy of my corner and interrupted this train of thought - and she left in umbrage when i retook my quiet corner seat.
Now based on no more than an inclination to help - my social distancing is substantially compromised and the couple who are nesting in the cubicle are loud with their appliances - when will i learn, or more importantly, what did i learn¿ In the short course of our communication i did learn that smokers for whatever reason are less susceptible to the virus, or so the story goes. Once you yield space, it is difficult to reestablish and that the thread of an essay is more precious than curiosity when one has not so much time left to think. Is there room still available to develop the relationship of perception as regards struggle. My most recent project was a walking stick after the shape of a femur and it is the ball of the ball&socket joint that has given me more insight into the carving process than the past 40 years of hand to stone has yielded. More accurately trying to shape a small spherical shape that has vastly more views immediately available than that of a 200 lb granite version disproves my carving master Jose De Creeft’s observation “when you work large, your mistakes are more easily perceived.”
I owe much of my life’s value to the simple act of hewing stone into some recognizable shape; it was my own arrogance and hubris which led me to harvest my concept of accomplishment from a prior world of masterpieces. I am humbled by having stretched beyond what my own experience constantly described - I am fortunate that i could arrive at this personal insight through perseverance, though the result is no more successful than the prior 40 years of effort. Truth be told, I am probably the only human alive that would be able to discern there is a fold in the head of my walking stick which cannot be resolved by determination or resolve i am faced with two hemispheres that will never join - this is likely biological, metaphorical as well as actual . . . i then fled my seat at Dingo Deli because a young turk and his dame snuck into the corner i’d been writing while inquired about the circumstance of an apparently stranded damsel; just as well the explanation was not developing as i’d hoped, so this is all you get - “a day late, a dollar short and going in the wrong direction” - A. Nonymous
jts 29/04/2020
http://stoanartst.blogspot.com se
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