Ordering
toools
life
pallet
freedom
dismay
!0:30 am or so went downstairs to workout what i’d hoped to become a painting out the front door of what i’d paid for and weathered the end of winter rain · someone had torn up the purslane, tore down the dog bed, tossed the root i dug up at my last domestic fracaso:
- Wednesday 17 September 2o25 · my birtday
it took a full day for me to recover the curiosity and joy i felt commencing a new work - went riding Tuesday to pick up turmeric rhizomes from the local market and to see about modifying my former bike with higher gearing · the store was closed, streets were quiet because of Mexican Independence Day the 16th. The house was buttoned down, my compah had reappeared the midnight before from his alcohol hibernation; which somehow he and his father telepathically participated pretty sure unbeknownst to each other while the mother set about putting things to right and the daughter kept her child active having attended some celebration requiring solemnity and finer clothing.
Ordered my tools and was surprised the office in Vermont did not acknowledge receipt as i’d requested; following up with sister K; hoping to make sense of our estrangement to help stabilize what i still hope will become a very productive two decades-putting me at 92 when i die (as though). I like people, but don’t understand the melange or how to formulate a rubric the greatest number can perceive when i have trouble teasing out the personal from the objective. For example, as i rode up with my basket from the market errand, though i’d not gotten fresh Turmeric to plant in my ‘masetas’, Sister of Josephine, Elia intervened and served me Pozole from her own pot when the merchant across the ‘mall’ snubbed my request for take out saying ‘out.’ punking foreigners is now sport, may have always been, but beats the shit out of getting shot.
When Mero Mero Marino saw me riding up, he wrapped up a coffeeklatch(gossipsession) with the welder Jesus, smirking ‘i’m busy’ afer i greeted him affably enough on his way to his storefront, my rejoinder ‘tu eres falso’, didn’t help, i still like people and know he’s up to his ass in alligators having spontaneously shared ‘my family is all pissed off at me’ a week earlier. It helps to see the struggle others are engaged in when my solipsism kicks into high gear, my food is running thin, ergo shopping errands rise to the top and tweaking my design to get fermented, unprocessed comestibles from this agricultural rich region delivered enough to what exercise i engage in is to strengthen, educate and encourage others. One is dialoguing - father and son are so in tune they each uncorked a ‘spat’ i believe unknown to the other; while father’s slaughter of my landscape scene was more commentary on son’s promise to provide - x,y, and z of yard maintenance, a father reduced to enlarging the hole used to latch the big gate on the side yard and a mother tending the son’s greater ambition, the ‘flea market’ which makes perfect sense.
I worry about the grandmother who took a fall to the face, because she doesn’t want to be seen as needing a cane though she’s in her nineties - the moral sea anchor of the family. “Youth is wasted on the young.” is a fraught quote; more smarm, than wit. I’m glad being able to include kissing her hand to list of outrageous i’ve managed. For example i once hosted a surprise birthday masquerade for myself in a dance studio at the corner of 4th and Maine in Santa Ana - one of the most successful events i can recall, if only measured by the mescal ‘caballo’ with which i commenced drinking beer from the keg and finished with many hours later; included in that spectacle was one of the grandest dupes of all time the aging hipster doofus ‘eye’talian engineer, cum hipster doofus replete with (combed-over-balding-pate) semi-professional parachuter/pilot completely smitten by the parts runner he’d never have given the time of day in our work-a-day lives through the artifice of a mask over her eyes, a gypsy blouse off her shoulders with flowing bright red skirt ensconcing her wordless presence in an auxiliary wheelchair to enjoy for hours the doting suitor never to learn of his ___________-fill in the blank.
This birtday, i’ll be content to blow a little pot, eat some day-old-two beans & rice turn a creative moment into two moments and/or visit with unexpected surprises that result in ‘another’s’ happiness. “Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed all the corners of your life.” - Rumi · Driven has caused so much misery in our lives i wonder about the role of ambition, what is it to want vs need - the rolling stones nailed it, though i don’t understand the distinction.
What i like best about my creative life is the feeling of accomplishment - ‘time well spent’ · in my spiritual focus this innocence conflicts with the real ego-driven wish for recognition. Is that our human lot to be held in suspension by the faintest of tension; is there surcease, the ’nirvana’ spoken of; the ‘holy grail’ sought ever since it was ¿ Birthdays have taken the position of the Sacrosanct in my existence in keeping with my narcissistic heritage, however harsh that may sound - without verisimilitude where is the weight that allows for the ineffable gravitas of awe. Birtday discovery - getting old allows one to wash 1st then dig in the garden. It has been an exceptional day, mostly due to a rich vein of volition with chocolate to match. The flashes of synchronicity “I strive to be brief and thereby become obscure.” - Horace · via BDTTRH, along with
Holyfuck - time flies when you’re having fun · 3:31 pm and there’s fuckall i can do to slow the clock, not that i would if i could; just spent too much time searching for Brother Jefferson’s quote about ‘dissent’ being the highest form of patriotism - while Samual Johnson’s quote about patriotism being the last refuge of the scoundrel rattles around the brain pan (that i could hit that 3-point quote) leaves me ready for another year. I pray for ways to discover how to use what i’ve learned to relieve suffering without bearing its corrosive nature, or rather utilize ways to amplify the joy so that others may bear their weight more comfortably - lord willing while i learn to mindmyownbusiness.
until L8r (help yourself to other creative vagaries below) ·
(˚ ㄥ _˚)
jts Monday 15 thru Wednesday 17 September 2o25
http://ExtinctionChronicles.blogspot.com
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